A Reflection On Grief, Trust, and Learning To Let Go.
This is always a hard time of year for me.
Seven years ago, during this time, I was spending all of my days in a hospital room watching my mom slowly slip away. After a cancer diagnosis, she was told she needed a liver transplant. After her surgery, she only woke up briefly before she had a stroke.
A couple of days ago, I had a memory pop up on Facebook. After posting an update back then, the outpouring of prayer was overwhelming. It was so touching to go back and read each one again — people showing up, praying, believing, hoping alongside me.
I've learned over the years just how important prayer is. Sometimes it's everything.
It has carried me through some of the hardest moments of my life. It's drawn me closer to God in ways nothing else has. I've become more intentional with it. And now, when I tell someone I'm going to pray for them, I do it. Because I believe it matters.
Whether it's answered the way we hope… or not.
But prayer has also taught me something harder.
We have to be prepared when we pray. God doesn't always answer the way we want Him to. Some of the most vulnerable prayers I've ever prayed have ended with, "not my will, God, but Yours."
That's what trust is, isn't it?
And if I'm honest… there have been times He didn't answer the way I would have chosen. Times that didn't make sense. Times that hurt deeply.
But I'm learning.
Learning to trust that His ways are better.
That He sees what I can't.
That even when the outcome isn't what I prayed for… He is still good.
And maybe sometimes prayer isn't about changing the outcome…
Maybe it's about changing us. 🤍
This is the kind of reminder I want to carry with me — every day.